I recently met a man online who is an incomplete quadriplegic. He has mobility in his arms and slight mobility in one leg. We hit if off immediately and he is by far the most amazing human being that I have the pleasure of communicating with. Because we are long distance we have not yet had the opportunity to meet, but we will be meeting next month. We have had many conversations about his injury and what to expect. He was very forth coming about his injury, complications, and mobility. I have yet to find anything that worries me or that I think I couldn't handle, but was curious if there are any surprises I should expect, particularly in the sex area. I only ask because I don't want to be caught off guard and display an awkward reaction. He has discussed a few things with me, including the fact that he may not be able to perform, which is absolutely fine. We have also discussed catheterization and I am not phased by that either.
After communicating with this man I am absolutely positive that I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I don't think I have ever been as excited about anything as I am about meeting him. Any personal stories from anyone who has dated a quad would be amazing! Also, any do's and don'ts I should keep in mind are appreciated. Thank you!
aliyash, it may be a good idea to take a read on the sexuality section, you will see some of the issues that are faced by some of the guys. Try to remember that every one with SCI is individual with their injury and how it affects them.
If you are open minded and comfortable with your partner then I doubt you will react akwardly, anything that you are not sure of, ask him and talk. Sexual function is very often affected by SCI so view this from a different perspective that this is their 'normal' and just go with it and take it as it comes.
Haha. Hey keep your head up. We actually met in the oddest way, playing a game online. He was losing and I was great at witty banter. Never in my life did I think I would be in a relationship with someone with a spinal cord injury, but he has opened my eyes in so many ways. But to answer your question, I have one unmarried sister, if her current situation fizzles I'll send her a link to your profile.
aliyash , it may be a good idea to take a read on the sexuality section, you will see some of the issues that are faced by some of the guys. Try to remember that every one with SCI is individual with their injury and how it affects them.
If you are open minded and comfortable with your partner then I doubt you will react akwardly, anything that you are not sure of, ask him and talk. Sexual function is very often affected by SCI so view this from a different perspective that this is their 'normal' and just go with it and take it as it comes.
I have been avoiding many of these questions because, well... as a southern girl being I was raised not to be "nosey." I opened up more with him last night though and finally unloaded several of my questions. It was very relieving and he seemed appreciative that I was so curious, (this man surprises me more and more everyday). Thank you for the advice and I will definitely be checking out the sexuality section!
aliyash, I wish you both all the best, I can imagine how much you must be looking forward to meeting this lovely sounding guy. Please let us know how it goes
I can really sense so much of excitement in your words and positivity in you. You are awesome. Hope your excitement turns into best time when you meet him.
And as in this forum, we use random names, who knows, may be he is reading this thread and silently loving the way you are being excited and may plan more things for you.
I would love to know more about how things went after you both meet.
younggun, I most definitely will update everyone. I really like this forum and plan to utilize it as best I can to learn as much as possible. Thank you all again!
oh yeah, aliyash, you had a question? (sorry was sidetracked by hope or lust for a bit) as Lαrα mentioned we are all different yet very similar, what I mean by that is we all are very different in the way our injuries affect us physically, yet we all share similar side effects like bladder and bowel issues, mobility, phys, therapy issues and autonomic dysreflexia, muscle spasms and emotional & mental challenges. we're sort of like support for one another. just be patient with him, because he is trying to do his best yet he probably is fearful u may not like his situation. hope for the best for u two.
I dont know what kind of cath he uses, but as he has mobility in arms, he might have chances of using condom canth if he wished for. If that is the case, chances are that he may check if it is in place when he gotto pee. It MAY be little uncomfortable for him as it will be first time you both meet. Look for signs if he feels uncomfortable, give him little time. Turn around. Or just cover him like commandos do for team mates. Not like everyone around understands something is happening but just turning around would help.
This is my experience. I had a colleague at work who asked me out. This was what she did. I dont know how she understood but it amazed me and felt really good.
younggun, I don't know all the proper terms yet, so forgive me, but he doesn't have a continuous or bladder cath. Instead he intermittently self catheterizes. He said he has absolutely no problem with me watching, I figure that will be a perfect time to check up on my social media or whatnot. It's actually quite comical, all this time we have been spent talking on the phone I have gotten used to his bladder schedule and actually have gotten myself into a routine of using the restroom at the same time. Now when 11 pm rolls around I know he has to go because I also have to go.
tetra, last night we finally had a more in depth conversation of what all his bathroom schedule entails. I had done tons of research so he was actually a little surprised at everything I knew and how lightly I took it all. We agreed I won't have any part of his bowel maintenance as I plan on being his partner and not his caretaker. That sounds a bit harsh when I read it, but we have both read about how a lot of these relationships fail because of the partner/caretaker dynamic. I also told him it didn't embarrass me at all to talk about any of this, as long as he doesn't ask me about my bowel routine. It's pretty crazy to me how we can discuss such personal details and still end up laughing and much closer than we were previously.
I truly appreciate everyone's input whether it be positive or negative in nature. I try to look at everything with a realistic point of view, especially considering the odds are already against us being that this is long distance. So, keep it coming!