Post by Knight on Nov 2, 2014 0:44:46 GMT -8
Muscle atrophy is something anybody who has suffered nerve or cord damage can understand. "Use it or lose it," is a quote I use a lot when my family or friends comment or inquire about my legs. I just wanted to talk a little about self-image and how muscle atrophy can affect that.
I've used a wheelchair almost full-time (99% of the time) for a little over 2 years. I lost the use of my lower legs, and therefore, lost my calf muscles. Within a month, my calf muscles were almost gone, and now my forearms are larger than them. It bothered me, and still does sometimes, on how disproportionate I am due to the atrophy, but I generally wear clothing that hides the slenderness, unless it's during the 2 short months of summer here.
I never really had much atrophy in my quad muscles (front of thighs) since I have always had good response and function there... until after my L1 vertebra partially collapsed and crushed my nerve root and damaged the left side of my spinal cord even worse. The delay of the surgery caused by a UTI left it crushed for an extra 2 weeks. My left leg is now dead weight, and my quad muscle is almost gone too now. It's been really tough for me to deal with yet another change in my body after finally getting comfortable in 2 years.
Four surgeries later, and I am worse off than I was from the initial injury. My left side is now numb up past my belly button. Knowing that my left leg is going to be significantly smaller than my right one bothers me a lot.
I don't know if I'm the only one who still has these kinds of worries, but it's tough to think that I am going to be even more lop-sided. I still get embarassed when I get into a swimsuit to relax in a hot tub, or wear shorts when it's 90°F out. I know most people don't even notice, or they just know that they're going to get that way because they're not ignorant, but I still feel insecure about my legs a lot.
On a related note, is grabbing and lifting my left leg from behind the knee where I can feel the femur a good place to grab? Having the function of an almost-complete injury on my left side is brand new to me.
I'm embarassed to be lopsided, and very self-conscious about the atrophy. (I miss my butt.) I am scared of how big of a difference there already is in the size of my legs. I am very thankful for the 75-85% function I still have in my right side, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I am in a brand new body again. Brown-Sequard Syndrome (BSS) sucks.
I thought I would add a link to the thread about BSS: inspiredsciforum.com/thread/113/
After re-reading the BSS thread, perhaps this syndrome is something I can talk about in a video?
But hey, whos perfect? lol
I think we really shouldnt be so Stressed with other peoples thoughts. Especially wIth your attitude Knight I think you will manage, no problem! 
