Blood pressure, spasms and codeine

I’ve written about this before. My blood-pressure is absurdly low in the mornings and after eating. This afternoon as I was writing, talking into my microphone and dictating my thoughts, my blood pressure began to drop. Prior to this I had taken 15 mg of codeine. So stupid really. Guaranteed to lower my blood pressure. But my neck was aching and I gave in. It’s not hard to cave in to opiates. We have a kind of gentleman’s agreement now. They constantly lure me towards them but at the same time they remind me of the evils therein. I ought to just leave them alone completely, but now and again I allow myself the luxury of a codeine high. Only those people who have tasted the pleasure and pain of opiate addiction know what I am talking about. I guess I am wearing my heart on my sleeve here, perhaps revealing a little too much about my weaknesses. But my weaknesses are also my strengths. Again, anybody who has been addicted to drugs or alcohol would know what I am talking about. Anyway, I digress. So I stupidly took 15 mg of codeine and whilst writing, or dictating, my blood pressure crashed. I’m guessing the systolic dipped into the upper 50s. That’s how it felt. I can judge fairly accurately the degree of pressure in my arteries by the way I am feeling. Unfortunately I was on my own. Nobody around to put a blood-pressure cuff around my arm. I could hardly breathe. I was too frightened to move. It felt like I had been disembowelled. So there I was, staring at the computer screen and breathing shallow breaths, wondering whether this was going to be it or not. How low can you go? I felt sick in my stomach. Empty. Heart beating so soft I could hardly feel it. Luckily I started to spasm. Now here’s a little miracle. Or a curse. Spasms cause my blood pressure to rise. If my blood-pressure is very low, they are a blessing. If, however, I’m having a dysreflexia attack, the spasms, no matter how slight, cause my blood pressure to go through the roof. What a curse. Right now it’s a blessing. My blood-pressure is up. It’s manageable and I’m able to write this piece. The codeine has mellowed me out. Yes, a measly 15 mg was enough to mellow me out. I refuse to take more than 30 mg these days, and then only two days in a row. Yes I have learnt to tame the beast. Hurrah!  I am alive and able to function again.  such sweet luxuries.  Such small blessings.