Needing friends that can relate

Hi Lara:  

Welcome to the club. First, you have been through total hell and congratulations go to you for making it through four years. About 4 plus years ago I fell out of a tree I was pruning in back of my garage, and severed my spine and smashed the lower lumbar region. I also tore out my left arm when I went to grab a branch to stop the fall. As I was alone and no one was around, I knew I was dying and was really pissed off about it. I went through the whole nine yards lying there taking in what was a beautiful September morning. The out of body experience, the hallucinations, and so on. I was only 59.5 years old, fer cryin out loud! I had surgery--a titanium cage installed--and went through rehab and etcetera. I, too, was considered a miracle. In the hours before the surgery, the emergency team revealed to my family that it was unlikely I would survive. 
One of the issues I have found interesting and maddening is the assumption by people around me that because I can walk, talk, laugh at a joke, exercise (hiking, swimming, elliptical, etc.) and that I look very healthy, that I therefore must be somehow "over it", and any complaints I might make about pain are subtly brushed aside, as if I was in a "whining" phase. They truly have no idea of the effort and pain involved in daily life for people like you and me. They don't want to have any idea, for that matter. It is too disturbing.
This is understandable but it is their issue, not mine or yours. I have been dropped as a friend by former friends and neighbors who just cannot deal with the fact of my new self. At first I became very depressed about this. Now, I just shrug it off. There are lots of people in the world, some shallow, some not. 
I think the people in my life are confused and uncomfortable about the "new" me.  They know I had a terrible accident and a life changing injury (injuries) but they don't want to be reminded of this fact of my life, because it is a fact of their lives as well. They now know someone who had a horrific accident and they don't like it at all. They would just as soon forget it--and just as soon I forget it and move on. 

Unless we can turn back time, my disability is what defines me now. I own it and it is part of my life and always will be. I have my depressed phases and have managed to cope with this reasonably well. But I don't apologize to anyone for disturbing their perceptions of what life can hand us. You sound like you are coping well. I wish you the best of everything.